Fools Gold, CA


Free-for-All at Fool’s Gold Conference Center over… Spelling?

Mayan idolTempers flared this morning at the Fool’s Gold Conference & Event Center, and police were summoned to the scene. Chief Alice Barns barreled to the raised dais at the front of the arguing crowd, then whistled into the microphone for a full 20 seconds before the angry shouts died down.

"What’s this all about?" she asked.

When shouted erupted again, Chief Barns made a cut-it gesture and looked for one calm attendee to explain the uproar. Her gaze landed on the long red hair of tiny local librarian Annabelle Weiss, who was hiding beneath a table at the front of the room.

"They’re fighting about the proper spelling of 'Máa-Zib,'" Weiss explained, referring to the matriarchal tribe who had settled on the shores of Lake Ciara hundreds of years ago. "There’s a lot of controversy in academic circles about whether there should be an extra space and where the accent mark should go."

"Oh, for the love of—" Chief Barns muttered, wiping her face.

"I think any phonetic spelling is acceptable," Weiss continued, apparently unaware of the chief’s distress. "If they were a breakaway tribe from the Mayans, they would’ve used hieroglyphs, and trust me, there were no hieroglyphic spelling bees!"

Chief Barns threw up her hands and stormed from the room. She could not be reached for comment.

Did you know that "ma" means "no" in Mayan, and "xib" means "man"? The Máa-Zib tribe was so named because the women were sick of virgin sacrifices. They broke away from their violent brethren to start their own peace-loving tribe, ruled by women. Could this explain the man shortage in Fool’s Gold?

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